For All my Mamas

Family isn’t always blood. I have been blessed with family all over the world and I’m not related to them at all. But they have been with me every step of the way, since the day I met them, when my life has taken a turn for the tragic or traumatic.

Who are these people all over the world who have adopted me as their own? They are fantastic group of women (and a handful of men) who have all invited me into their lives and homes. I have lovingly called them my “mamas” because they have all shown me unconditional love. How have we all come together? A TV show called LOST J

I started watching LOST my freshman year of high school when it premiered in 2004. One of my best friends loved the show and got me hooked on it. We even incorporated some of the main characters’ names in a skit we wrote for school.

My freshman year of college, I found out that they had discussion boards online for fans of the show. A friend of mine who was also a fan of LOST said he occasionally got on the boards and I decided I would check them out. Low and behold, I found some sweet ladies who were regulars on the board who welcomed me to their online groups with open arms.

Their kindness and sharp humor is what immediately sucked me in. They would make me belly laugh with their jokes and jabs at each other. It was a safe space for us to talk about recent episodes as well as share little parts of our lives with one another. Slowly, I began to chat with some of the ladies via e-mail as well as on the boards, allowing us to share more intimate details of our lives and really get to know one another.

As the show started to head into its last few seasons, we began to transition to Facebook to connect with everyone. Being the youngest of our large group, I helped a lot of our family to create Facebook profiles. We were all able to console one another as we cried through the end of the series – the TV show that brought us all together and permanently changed our lives ended after 6 years.

It may seem silly that something like a TV show could make such an impact on someone, but for us, it was more than just a TV show. It was our first connection with one another and we fell in love with the stories and characters. For 6 years, we watched them grow and change, wept when a character we loved died, and shared our constant confusion at some of the crazier plots. At the end of the day, it was a home for us; a place of acceptance and love, something a lot of people look for their entire lives. We just happened to find it within each other through a shared love of a television show.

I was 19 when I first met one of my mamas in person. She lived in the same state as myself, and my college was relatively close to where she lived at the time. We had coffee at a coffee shop and chatted away like we’d known one another our entire lives. I remember thinking it was one of the craziest feelings to meet someone I spoke to every day for the first time but still feel safe and comfortable at the same time.

This was not our last meeting. When I was 21, I journeyed to North Carolina to meet another one of my mamas and spent a week with her. Again, the minute I got off the plane and saw her, I felt like I was already home. The entire week with her felt like a long slumber party; we would stay up late talking and sleep in late every day. We went on little adventures and I played on the beach (she still laughs that I stuck my toes in the Atlantic ocean in the middle of January). It was one of the best weeks of my life and I desperately needed the get away at the time. I bawled when I left, wishing I could just stay with my mama and keep laughing and talking every day away. I still have the stuffed animal she gave me when I got on the plane home. 

That summer I flew to Florida to stay with not only my mamas I had already met in person, but several others as well! We stayed at Mama B’s house where we met with other Losties and went to the beach and just generally had fun! It was two weeks of girl time and bonding and it was a wonderful way for us all to get to know one another.

About a year or so later, I flew to stay with another one of my Lostie mamas in Washington. What made this trip extra special was that another one of the mamas who lives in Canada drove down with her awesome daughter and spent the week with us! We did so much sight-seeing and laughing. We were even treated to a Lady Antebellum concert as well! It was a drizzly week but a week I will never forget.

The last time I saw my LOST mamas in person was when I flew down to Alabama to spend another two weeks with Mama B as well as Mama D and Mama S. Again, it was another two weeks spent lounging and relaxing – staying up all night and sleeping late into the day. We even watched all the seasons of LOST during the visit J

Unfortunately, this was the last time I saw my Mama B. I know she wouldn’t mind, so I will share that Mama B’s name was Beth. Beth is not the only Mama who has a special place in my heart, but she was actually the first one who I began speaking to outside of the threads. We always seemed to find more and more about us that was alike when we talked. She was a gentle, kind, and sweet soul. She was amazing and one of my heroes.

We lost Beth to a massive stroke a few years ago in 2014. It was another loss like my mother, where I felt like the very foundation of my earth was shaken. She slipped into a coma when she passed and Mama D was with her and her family the entire time, constantly updating us on her condition. I remember the afternoon it sunk in that Beth wouldn’t be waking up. I spoke with mama D on the phone and after we hung up I just threw my phone on the bed and began to hyperventilate and weep. All I could think was “not again… not another loss.” I couldn’t even fly down for the visitation and memorial due to a recent broken ankle at the time.

Beth passed away less than two days later. I got the call in the middle of the night from Mama S letting me know that Beth was gone. I felt the pit in my chest but knew that emotionally I had to shut down. Losing Beth was just too much.

Mama D was very close with Beth – sisters that found each other through a shared love of a television show. Mama D has been ill for a very long time with an autoimmune disease that has stolen so much of the last several years of her life. She continues to search for a doctor who not only can but is willing to perform a kidney transplant to give her back some quality of life. So far, she continues to meet dead ends and each time, I know that her children, myself, and Mama D lose just a little more hope that this can be fixed. While I have complete faith that God can and will continue to use mama D for the rest of her life here on earth, I also have faith that she can find a doctor who will take a chance on giving her back her life. I promise you, you have never met someone so filled with a zest for life and for simply living it. Just like Beth, she is strong and has an amazing warrior’s spirit. I have been truly blessed to know her and call her mom, friend, and sister.

I’ve included a few more details about a handful of my mamas, but in reality, there are SO many of them who have supported me since the day I posted on the boards. They have helped me financially, emotionally, spiritually… when my mother passed, they took up a collection for me as well as sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers to the funeral home.

After Beth passed away, I wanted to get a sunflower tattoo for her. I didn't want an ordinary sunflower though, because Beth was EXTRAORDINARY. So I asked a friend of mine to have her daughter draw me some sunflowers that were unique. Her daughter is especially gifted in art and she ended up designing my favorite tattoo that I have. Her mom loved it so much she even had it tattooed on her foot as well! 

Like I told my mom shortly before she died, I have more than just one family. I have family all over the world who love me and take care of me. I hope that I have shown them the same kind of love and support that they have shown me all these years. They’ve all been there through thick and thin and I couldn’t have asked for a better support system than this group of ladies. I am eternally grateful for them as they entered my life at a time when I needed them most. They have each left a significant mark on my heart and I will carry each of them with me forever.