Dear Juliet...

For my Juliet.

The minute I saw the sun shining on you, making all of your little puppy fuzzy fur light up, I knew you and I were meant to be. Your name was already chosen.

You bore a heavy burden as a puppy. I'd hold you in my arms or lay beside you and weep over my recently deceased mom. You gave me such joy as I watched you grow, especially into those giant ears and nose. You let me cry as I stroked your fur, and I'd let you lick my arm until I fell asleep because I knew it eased your anxiety.

We had a bond, you and I. I was yours and you were mine. I loved you so much right from the start. And right from the start, I feared for when our journey would end.

You grew older and your sweet personality took form. You loved anyone and everyone - especially if they had exposed skin. When I brought Luna home, you turned into a mom, and I was blessed to watch you become a mom to a new puppy. Every time I watched you clean her face and her ears, my heart would leap with joy that you had a playmate.

You were my sweet girl. Your big, round, brown eyes softened my hear whenever I looked into them. I could never be mad at you... you were my baby girl.

When it became clear you were losing your vision, my heart would break. I told myself it was just because of your long nose that you would smack it into things. And then it was too late. But it didn't steal your happiness.

You were the big cheese out of the three, even having to teach Phoebe to learn her place in the pack. My blind collie ensuring her place. Part of my heart sank when I brought Phoebe home - she was the perfect playmate for Luna, but too much puppy for you. You still played with the girls, chased squirrels across the yard. I loved watching you "referee" Phoebe and Luna playing.

And then all of sudden... my sweet baby is gone. I knew it would be hard when our time together was over, but it's a different grief than I imagined. Your absence is what stabs my heart.

When I reach into the treat jar and only grab two instead of three, and I still expect to see you sitting there with your sisters, your brown unseeing eyes somehow finding mine.

When I leave my bedroom and walk into the living room and absentmindedly look for where you are cuddled up... then realize quickly that you'll never be there again. It's these moments when the permanent lump in my throat hardens and I begin to panic.

I remind myself that you are happy, healthy, and can even see now. I remind myself that you finally get to meet my mom and play with Emma again. I imagine you running and barking, with your tail wagging, as you play with the pets who came before you. I will cry over you for a long time, my baby girl, my Juliet. But I take peace in knowing our goodbye isn't forever. Thank you for being my friend, my secret keeper, my joy, my dog.

I love you always, Jules.